16th march 2014 , 2.30am
Havnt blogged for the longest period of my time , but i decided to finally make a come back to this o'lil diary of mine to rants things out like how i used to. Right now i no longer really have an definate outlet to rants too ,because my girlfriends have their own boyfriends troubles & everyone else ard has each their own troubles n worries. Thus not being a burden , i guess penning everything down like this works better for me here ,
Been a longlong time ,since i even really come into blogger. While everyone is using dayre, i 'm still refusing to download to dayre , because reason being i am just not used to the new things. I am someone i like.being in my comfortzone , sticking with the same old grp of cliques because i feel safe around them. Thats me. i guess like wise for relationships speaks like this as well, i am not adventrous enough to explore n met someone new and let that someone new to know me all over again,going thru evwrything all over again. My stupid logic was , i rather staying with someone who knows me in n out , been thru bad times , aorst & shits with me. Thus i am sticki g around here.with ivan. ( if you didnt know , ivan hau is my current boyfriend , we broke up 1year+ ago and got back recently. But due to some issues he been giving me cold shoulders /cold war towards me. i dont want to talk much about this matter nor either do i want to bring this up.again between us. I just hope we could straighten things out soon , get things on track n hopefully not hanging in the air. Times like this drives me nuts most of the time , but i being so super insecurrities like always , cant just spammed him messages right. I know boys being boys they need to have their own time /alone time etc.
I guess time will heal everything.
3.13am 16th march.
feeling for another mood to talk again.
Feel like heading out for a smoke . Havnt got my cigg with me , havnt smoke for a good 5days because been w my family during my sourcing trip.
Just pluck up the courage to apps ivan, he finally replied. But he is in the club again.
Another friends birthday.
Is not that i dont trust him , but he said.....
Nvm , i guess it doesnt matter to him whether j am upset anymore , does it ?
I dontknow how to look positively like this , looking n thinking straight actually. 😔 , trying to really manage to think n focus other stuff. But i realise i couldnt. Sometimes now i wonder , does it still bothers him , i am sad or anything ? Does it bothers that i am still around.
