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Thursday, June 30, 2011

49th day,


Today's is the 49th day, since you left us.
I miss you truely, despite people around think i could really handle it so well.
Losing you, losing dad ,& losted E , was the greatest issues that happen to me this year.


Losing E , i thought it was contempory - thought he would return someday, (maybe he would, whatever the trust and everything inside died on me, when i knew he give me up for some plus-sized size girls. I never get it , i don't get it at all)

Losing dad, is like a forever thing, i am fatherless from young. Dad walked out of me & mom 's life, but he returned like suddenly randomly this year, he told me he would change, but that's like the biggest lie i fell into. I thought he really would. Never did i expect, he had another family, had even another daughter. So i am nothing in his eyes, he could even asked how old i am ? I am downright broken because i thought that's like the least you would have taken note of. But you failed me, failed mom , failed people around who cares for you.

Lastly, for the person who dote me most, who love me - showered me with endless loves&dotes
supporting me in whatever i want to do, teaching me about life, left......me so suddenly.
I remember you asking me if i would cried if you passed away, i told you i will still, but i guess
no ones will understand how much closeness we had in here, the times we spend is not just money talks, but something money can never buy. Sometimes i still feel like as if you are around, at times i just feel like lying to myself you didnt left me , didnt left us yet. I miss you so much, i often told my friends you are the most awesome grandma i had , and you re not just a grandma but my bestfriend (someone who i share my anger/laughters/happiness/joy with)

Sometimes now, whenever i thought about my meals or food or junk food ,your voice repeats in my mind tellign me how skinny i am ,how i should ate proper food. I miss you,.........

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